Surely, almost every person was once jealous. For some, occasional jealousy is even part of a partnership. With control calls and jealousy scenes, however, one quickly puts his relationship at risk. We show what you can do to get your jealousy under control.
What is jealousy?
Jealousy is a mixture of multiple emotions. In the foreground is a tormenting fear of losing the affection or attention of an important caretaker to someone else.
It usually does not matter, there is a realistic reason for the jealousy or not. In addition to fear of loss, jealousy is often accompanied by anger, sadness, mistrust, feelings of inferiority, and sometimes aggression.
Acute triggers for jealousy
In relationships, jealousy is not a rare phenomenon - regardless of gender. While men, according to surveys, are more likely to jealously suspect their partner's sexual infidelity, jealousy in women is usually triggered by their partner's close intimacy with a third person.
But even in friendships and families there is jealousy. For example, even small children are jealous if their parents devote more attention to the siblings.
Basic causes of jealousy
Jealousy can have different causes. Mostly it arises from self-doubt and a low self-esteem. Sometimes negative experiences in the past, such as an ex-partner's infidelity or childhood experiences, can trigger the fear of loss.
How much is normal?
Jealousy can occur in different intensities. A little jealousy is normal and no cause for concern. Normally, the nagging feeling dies away when the problematic situation is resolved. However, if jealousy is permanent, it can become a problem.
If one partner is possessive and tries to isolate the other, it can be a sign of pathological jealousy. By checking calls and searching personal belongings, morbidly jealous partners try to find evidence of the other's unfaithfulness. Such behavior heavily strains a relationship and often leads to quarrels.
Consequences of pathological jealousy
If jealous people are dominated by the fear of losing their partner, they often neglect their work and social contacts. In addition, they often suffer from sleep and concentration disorders.
Also headaches, back pain or stomach pains as well as psychosomatic complaints are not uncommon in very jealous people.
Jealousy as an extreme form
The most extreme form of jealousy is jealousy, also known as Othello Syndrome. In this delusional disorder, the affected person is steadfastly convinced of the partner's infidelity and is meticulously seeking evidence. Logical arguments are completely useless against the subjective certainty of the patients.
This form of jealousy is quite rare and usually occurs in connection with alcoholism, schizophrenia or dementia. In the context of therapy often drugs are used.
When should one fight jealousy?
Everyone judges jealousy differently. For some it is a proof of love, for the others a relationship killer. Basically, if you realize that your own jealousy strains the relationship or others suffer from it, it is necessary to get the jealousy under control.
It is important to look for the cause not in the behavior of the partner, but in yourself. If you can not control your jealousy alone, you should seek therapeutic help. This is especially advisable when the fear of loss is deeply rooted.
Controlling one's jealousy requires a lot of practice and is especially difficult in case of strong jealousy. First, you should research where the feeling comes from. Often a long-lasting dissatisfaction in the relationship is based.
If jealousy remains within a normal framework, it can help to openly address the issue to the partner, formulate their needs and concretely agree where the limits of tolerance lie. Through joint ventures, affected couples can also consolidate their sense of togetherness.
Defeat jealousy through self-esteem
Self-esteem and positive self-esteem are important means against jealousy, so as not to be a threat to other people around the partner. The following tips can help:
- Watch for signs of affection from your partner.
- Be aware of your strengths.
- Treat yourself as understanding and benevolent as a good friend.
- Be aware that you need not be ashamed of your mistakes and weaknesses.
- Set yourself a goal as you want to be, instead of comparing yourself to strange ideals.
- Become more independent: Find your own hobbies and go out alone.
Jealous attacks get under control
Threatens a jealous attack, demand early control back and do not be overwhelmed by the feeling. Be aware of your jealousy and fight against it:
- Breathe in and out slowly and try to relax.
- Inwardly say "Stop" loudly.
- Understand that your partner loves you and remember your strengths.
- Distract yourself, for example through sports or a conversation with a friend.
If the partner is jealous
Most partners of jealous people suffer from constant control, lack of trust and suspicion.
If the jealousy goes too far, you should show your partner that he is not alone with his fears. But also make it clear to him that he has to overcome his fear of loss and, if necessary, advise him to seek professional help to combat his jealousy.
Differences between jealousy and envy
Envy and jealousy are often confused, but designate different feelings: unlike jealous people, envious people are not afraid to lose a loved one, but want to have something that others possess.